One and Only
by Trapped in a MatchBox
Summary: He could hear an echo of his own voice telling her he loved her and that was enough to tighten the knot in his throat again. He needed her to be okay.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have been avoiding this site like the plague since Monday night because I wanted to put my ideas about what happened after the cliffhanger down first. I know there are probably loads of post Knockout fics, but give this one a chance? I'm not sure if it's a one shot or not. You guys tell me.**

**Oh and the title is based on Adele's (amazing) song "One and Only".**

**Hope you like it. And yeah, that finale, huh? I'm still blown away. Amazing.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is still not mine.**

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><p><strong>One and Only<strong>

He hated hospitals.

The smell made him feel sick. It reminded him that death was always present in that particular enclosed space, no matter how hard the doctors tried to save everyone. It was ironic, really, that the smell of death would get to him here when he spent half his time going to the morgue or to crime scenes. But here, in the waiting room, the smell seemed to be even stronger and it was all he could do not to empty his stomach in front of everyone.

He had liked it better when he wasn't feeling anything. When they had dragged him away from her, her warm blood soaking his hands, he had been numb. It had felt like everything was happening in slow motion and he had the distinct impression that it was all a dream. It had to be a dream. He had watched as the paramedics worked on her, putting pressure on the wound in her chest. He knew there was chaos all around him, but the only sound he could hear was his own heart still beating erratically.

The paramedics working on her were suddenly blocked from his view as his mother appeared in front of him, touching his face frantically, asking if he was hurt. He didn't know how her voice managed to cut through the fog in his brain, but he found himself shaking his head, only then realizing that his breath was coming out in short gasps. His chest felt so tight all of a sudden and the knot closing his throat seemed almost impossible to bear. He allowed his mother and daughter to lead him to the car, looking back in time to see Kate's limp body being put in the back of an ambulance.

He vaguely remembered Esposito telling them they were taking her to New York Presbyterian and that her father was riding in the ambulance with her. He still couldn't feel anything and wondered to himself if that was what it was like to be in shock. Alexis guided him into the car and he only looked out the window as they drove into the madness of New York traffic.

"Detective Beckett is a fighter, Dad. She's going to be alright, you'll see." He heard his daughter's soothing voice and blinked, turning his head to look at her. "Oh, Dad." He watched her expression change and just watched as she reached out and brushed his cheek.

He hadn't even realized he was crying.

Alexis took his hand in both of hers and rested her head on his shoulder, whispering what he was sure was soothing words, but he couldn't focus on them. His mind seemed to be stuck in a loop and all he could see was Kate's light slowly going out. His last words to her kept replaying in his mind and he wanted to convince himself that she had heard him, even though the rational side argued that she was probably too far gone.

It didn't matter, anyway. If this was it, if he lost her…

No, he didn't want to think that.

She had been in surgery for hours now. Josh happened to be at the hospital and promised he would keep them updated. He had been shocked to hear that they were at Captain Montgomery's funeral and looked hurt that Kate hadn't told him anything about it. If Castle had been in a position to feel anything, he probably would have felt that the scale was not in Motorcycle Boy's favor. But right then it didn't matter. Nothing mattered because his Kate was too close to die and he couldn't even bring himself to imagine what it would be like to live in a world without her.

Josh had been sitting with them for the past couple of hours. The last update he brought to them was that surgery was going as expected, but she wasn't out of the woods yet. The bullet had hit the right side of her chest, missing her coronary artery by an inch. Rick closed his eyes, hiding his face in his hands. He couldn't get the image of her eyes closing as she fell unconscious; tears streaming down her face as she looked like she was struggling to smile or maybe say something.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to find his mother offering him a cup of coffee. He didn't think he could keep anything down, but accepted the cup, anyway. His stomach was in knots and the smell of the hospital was slowly getting to him. His eyes found Josh as he sat on the opposite side of the room, his elbows resting on his knees. He looked like he was observing everyone else and, in a way, he felt bad for the guy. He was the outsider here, after all. Everyone else – the boys, Lanie, his mother, Alexis and Jim Beckett – these people were family.

His eyes met Rick's and they stared at each other for a moment. Castle tried to decipher what the look in his eyes meant, but he was too emotionally exhausted to try. To be honest, he didn't even care. He just wanted his Kate to be okay. Everything else he could deal with later.

_His Kate. _

He knew he had no right to even think like that, but he couldn't help it. He loved her with an intensity so great that took his breath away. He knew they had a chance, he was sure of it. And even if they didn't, he would be content to be in her life in any capacity she allowed him to, as long as he got to see her all the time.

Josh looked away first, stretching his legs in front of him, and Rick looked down at his hands. He had scrubbed them clean when they had gotten to the hospital, but he could still feel her blood sticking to his skin. He swallowed hard and tried to fight the image of her closing eyes playing in his mind again. He could hear an echo of his own voice telling her he loved her and that was enough to tighten the knot in his throat again.

He was trying to take deep, calming breaths when the surgeon entered the room. He was on his feet an instant before anyone else, his breath stuck midway to his lungs. This was it.

"Kate Beckett's family?" the surgeon called, taking his green scrub cap off his head.

He looked way too young to be a doctor. Castle was standing in front of him in a flash, vaguely aware that everyone else had gotten up too.

"How is she?" he heard Jim ask, his own voice seeming to be stuck in his throat.

"We got the bullet out, but the damage was quite severe. She lost a lot of blood, but she was lucky that one of her ribs deflected the bullet and it missed any major arteries near her heart. She's got a long way to go, but she should make a full recovery."

The young doctor smiled and the room seemed to be lighter all of a sudden with their collective relief. Rick felt like an enormous weight left his body and felt suddenly lightheaded. His feet seemed to start moving out of their own volition and carried him back to the chairs, as he sat back down and leaned forward, his head in his hands.

She was going to be okay.

She was still alive and he would be damned if he would let her out of his sight. There was no way he was going through this hell again. No way. He would protect her in any way he could, but he would_ not_ lose her again.

_God, she was alive._

He let out a shaky breath and rubbed his face, only then realizing that his cheeks were wet. Swallowing hard, he brushed the tears away discreetly. There was no need to cry now. She was going to be okay.

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><p>They only allowed one visitor at a time and Rick chose to be the last one. He sent his mother and daughter home, promising to call if anything changed, and said goodbye to Ryan, Esposito and Lanie as they left after seeing her. Hours later, only he and Jim Beckett were left in the waiting room. Josh had excused himself after seeing Kate, saying he had a surgery to get to. Rick only half heartedly acknowledged that he was leaving and as he looked at Jim, he was sure Kate's father hadn't even heard the good doctor.<p>

Jim hadn't met Josh and it had been a little awkward as he wasn't really sure who Motorcycle Boy was at first. Apparently Kate didn't talk about him much, which made Castle's heart swell with joy, however childish that might be. A few minutes after Josh left, Jim turned to Rick and the companiable silence between them was broken.

"Thank you." Jim said and Rick looked at him confused.

"For what?"

"You tried to save her, Rick." He raised an eyebrow at him and Rick could suddenly see the resemblance between father and daughter.

"But I didn't. She got shot, anyway."

He sighed, angry at himself for not being faster, for not realizing something like this could happen. Kate was still a target and they should have realized this war was not over. Lockwood may be dead, but whoever was behind this was still out there.

"Rick, what I saw today was a man that loves my daughter enough to take a bullet for her. That's what you were going to do, wasn't it?" he asked gently and Rick looked away and nodded.

"My only thought was that I had to save her." He whispered, his chest heavy again. "I can't lose her, Jim. I can't."

"That's good enough for me, Rick. Knowing that there's someone willing to protect my Katie like you do." He touched Rick's shoulder comfortingly and they were silent for a moment. "Why don't you go see her?" He suggested and Rick nodded, getting up.

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><p>The walk to her room felt like it would never end. Although it was only a few feet away, he had to resist the urge to run. When he finally made it to her door, he stood there for a minute, gathering the courage to go in. He wasn't sure he was ready to see her like that.<p>

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open.

The beeping of the heart monitor filled his ears and his eyes immediately found her. She looked so small, so fragile. Gone was Detective Beckett. The woman lying on that bed, skin pale, with wires attached to her, linking her life to machines was Kate Beckett. And Kate Beckett was not invincible.

He approached the bed slowly; afraid that he might do something that could somehow hurt her. When he made it to her side, he pulled a chair as close to the bed as he could and sat down. For several minutes, he was content to just look at her, listening to the constant beeping of her heart and watching her chest moving with each breath she took. He marveled in those simple things because it meant he hadn't lost her. She was still hanging in there and she was going to be okay.

After a while, he took her hand in his, gently caressing each of her fingers. Her skin was so soft and her hand seemed to fit in his perfectly. He slowly brought it to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on her skin, willing her to open her eyes so he could be sure she was still really there.

He rested his head on the bed, exhaustion suddenly taking over. He kept her hand in his, though, close to his cheek. He kissed her skin one more time, whispering his love to her, and let sleep take him under.

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><p>Rick awoke with a gasp. Trying to take deep breaths, he looked around, trying to recognize his surroundings. Everything looked okay. Kate's heart was beating steadily and she seemed to be breathing just fine, so what had woken him up like that? His own heart was still hammering against his chest.<p>

Then he felt it. Her hand moved in his. He looked at her, startled for a moment, not knowing what to do.

"Kate?" he called her name softly.

Her hand moved again and her eyelids fluttered.

"Kate, can you hear me?" he tried again, squeezing her hand and bringing it to his lips. "Open your eyes, sweetie. Come on. _Please_."

He almost begged and was rewarded when she finally managed to open her eyes. But she seemed to fighting a losing battle against the meds and her eyelids drooped shut. Rick let out a sigh and sat back down, not letting go of her hand. He looked at his watch and was surprised to see it was close to 2am.

"Castle?" her voice was so weak that if he hadn't been paying attention to everything about her, he would have missed it.

"Kate?" he was on his feet again, his heart working double time. "Kate, can you hear me?" He touched her cheek gently and smiled, relieved, when her eyes finally focused on his. "Hi." He whispered, feeling the tears burning behind his eyes.

"Hey." Her voice was hoarse and he could barely hear her, but she was awake. That was all that mattered. "What…" she tried to take a deep breath, but stopped halfway through with a grimace. "What happened?"

"You're in the hospital. You were shot at Captain Montgomery's funeral." He told her quietly.

"Oh." She swallowed, but he felt her hand squeezing his a little bit tighter. "How bad is it?"

His chest suddenly felt tighter and he struggled to get the words out.

"I thought I'd lost you." His voice came out in barely a whisper. "I tried to push you out of the way, but I wasn't fast enough. I'm sorry." His words came tumbling out and he had to try and catch his breath.

She pulled her hand from his grasp and touched his cheek.

"Hey, look at me. Castle." She insisted when he kept looking down at the bed. "It's not your fault. Okay?" he looked at her and nodded, taking her hand again. They were silent for a moment. "I thought it'd been a dream." She said after a few minutes and tried to move, but stopped abruptly with a grimace.

"You okay? Do you want me to get a doctor?" he asked, nervous.

She closed her eyes and tried to breathe evenly.

"Everything hurts." She confessed and he started to get up, but her hand stopped him. "I'm okay, Castle. Just stay here with me for a bit." She asked and he looked at her for a beat, trying to determine whether he should listen to her or not.

"I have to tell them you're awake." He said eventually, but she shook her head slowly.

"You can do that in a minute. I'll be fine for a little bit longer." She told him and he sat back down, resting his head on the bed again. He closed his eyes when he felt her hand run through his hair.

"Kate?" he said after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me something?"

"What?" he could almost hear the smile in her voice.

"Don't ever do that to me again." He forced the words out, his breath ragged from emotion.

"I'll try not to." She whispered and he looked up at her. She reached out and brushed away a tear in the corner of his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I can't lose you. _I can't_." he took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips again.

"You won't get rid of me that easily." She smiled weakly at him and he found himself smiling back.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Kate." He caressed her hand, planting one last kiss on her palm. "I should go get your doctor." He told her and stood up.

"Hey, Castle?" she called him, her voice still weak. He turned around, looking at her questioningly. "What you said earlier…" she trailed off and bit her lip for a second. "I do too." She eventually said and he felt like his heart was suddenly at his throat.

Did she just say what he thought she said?

He offered her a smile and fought the urge to walk back to her and show her just how much he loved her. Instead, he nodded and let that feeling wash over him.

"I'll be right back." He told her and walked out.

_She loved him._

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><p><strong>So... thoughts? Is it September yet?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: First of all, thank you SO much for your overwhelming response to this story. I really appreciate it. Second, I apologize for how short this chapter is compared to the first, but I felt this scene should stand on its own. Hope you still enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: For the millionth time, Castle is not mine.**

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><p><strong>One and Only<strong>

**Chapter 2**

The faint light shining through the blinds woke her up. She opened her eyes, but closed them quickly, her hand automatically reaching up to block out the light. Halfway through the action, however, a sharp pain in her chest flared up and she squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth, waiting for it to pass.

That was when everything came back to her and she realized she was still in the hospital. It hadn't been a dream. She opened her eyes again and blinked until she could get used to the sunlight shining through the window. After a minute, she looked around, taking in her surroundings. It was an ordinary hospital room. There was something resembling a couch to her left that looked entirely uncomfortable, a TV in front of her bed and a monitor that showed her vital signs to her right.

A sudden movement to her left caught her attention and she turned her head slowly to see what it was. The scene she found made her smile. Castle was sitting on an uncomfortable looking chair, his head resting on the bed next to her. He was still holding her hand.

She gently extricated her hand from his and brushed a strand of hair from his forehead. He was going to have one hell of a kink in his neck when he woke up from sleeping in that position, she thought to herself. She was glad he was there, though. He had spent the whole night with her, holding her hand, giving her comfort and making her feel safe.

After he had told the doctor she was awake, a nurse came in to check her vitals and gave her something for the pain. Whatever it had been, it had knocked her out because the last thing she could remember was Castle telling her to go to sleep as soon as he had come back into the room.

He moved again under her hand and she looked down at him. He was frowning for a moment, but soon his expression changed. A low moan escaped his lips and it looked like he was in pain. Kate debated with herself if she should wake him up, but when she heard him say her name with a gasp and moan the word no over and over again, she decided to take action.

"Castle." She tried to say his name, but her voice was barely a whisper and he didn't even flinch. "Castle. Rick, wake up. It's just a dream." She tried again, this time running her finger gently to soothe the line on his brow.

His eyelids fluttered and she touched his cheek when his eyes met hers.

"Kate." The sheer relief and emotion in his voice was almost too much for her to bear. He reached out to touch her hand, holding it close to his cheek and closed his eyes. She felt the tears burning behind her eyes and made an effort to smile at him comfortingly when he looked up at her.

"Hey. You okay?" she asked softly and he nodded, sitting up straighter on the chair.

"Yeah, did I wake you?" he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

She noticed the dark circles under his eyes and felt guilty for making him worry about her like this.

"No, the sun woke me up. Don't worry about it." She offered him a small smiled and squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after a beat.

"Sore. But it's bearable now. Whatever it was they gave me last night was really good. It's my new best friend." She told him with a grin and he chuckled.

"Hey, I thought _I _was your best friend." He said in a teasing tone and entwined his fingers with hers, leaning against the bed again.

"I don't know what gave you that idea, Castle." She smirked and he brought their joint hands to his chest.

"Oh, that hurts, Kate. Not cool." He pouted and she started to chuckle, but stopped abruptly when her chest hurt again.

"You okay?" he was suddenly on his feet, hovering over her, concerned.

"Yeah. Don't make me laugh, though. It hurts to do that." She told him, feeling frustrated.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly. "Do you want me to go get a nurse?" he started to move away, but her hold tightened on his hand.

"No, I'm fine. Just… stay here?" she asked, almost shyly. He seemed touched by her request and smiled at her, sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Of course. I'm not going anywhere until you want me to." He reassured her and she nodded gratefully. "Is this okay?" he gestured to him being on her bed.

"Sure. It's probably more comfortable than that chair." She quipped and he nodded, assessing how sore his neck was. "How's the neck?"

"Eh, I'll live. It was worth it. Just knowing that you're okay…" he trailed off as he looked away. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat." He said after a moment.

"Thank you." She whispered, swallowing hard to dissolve the knot that had suddenly appeared in her throat.

"Always, Kate. You know that." He brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her skin.

"Right back at you. Always." She promised him and this time his smile reached his eyes. She sighed as he ran his fingers up and down her arm. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What you said to me after I was shot…" she bit her lip and debated with herself the wisdom of talking about this particular topic at that moment. With a sigh, she decided to continue. "Did that really happen or did I just imagine the whole thing because I was too out of it?"

She bit her lip again, apprehensively, waiting for his answer.

"You mean when I told you I love you?" he asked and she was surprised that he was being so blunt.

"Yeah." She whispered and he smiled at her reassuringly.

"It really happened." He told her and she wasn't sure how she should feel about this. Of course she was happy that he loved her – especially because she loved him right back – but their timing, as usual, sucked.

"Oh."

"You said you love me back last night." He commented and she looked up at him at the uncertain tone of his voice.

"I remember that. And I do." She admitted and couldn't help but smile when he beamed at her.

"Yeah?" he inquired softly and she chuckled, grimacing when her chest hurt again.

"Yes, but don't make me laugh." She swatted at his arm weakly and he caught her hand, bringing it to his lips. "Should we talk about this?" she asked after a moment.

"We should, but it doesn't have to be now. You need to rest so you can heal faster so I can take you out on a proper date." He responded excitedly.

"Is that so?" she teased him and he nodded with a giddy smile. She moved over a little to her right as slowly as possible so not to make her pain any worse. When there was enough space, she patted the bed. "Come here. Why don't you tell all about this supposed date you think you're going to take me on?" she suggested with a teasing smile.

"Won't that hurt you?" The concern was back in his eyes and she sighed. He had a point.

"Just do it slowly. I'll tell you if it hurts." She said and he did exactly as she told him, after putting the bed in a half sitting position. When he was comfortably sitting next to her, he kicked his shoes off and stretched his legs on the bed. "You're just making yourself right at home, aren't you?" she smirked and he rolled his eyes.

"Hey, you invited me, Detective. Quit complaining." He told her and put an arm around her shoulders. "That okay?" he asked after a minute, worried that he might hurt her.

She leaned against his side as much as her pain would allow her and relaxed, her head resting on his shoulder. In this position her chest barely hurt at all. He ran his fingers slowly up and down her arm and she sighed.

"It's perfect." She told him and he kissed the top of her head. She closed her eyes and yawned.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"I thought you were going to tell me about our date." She looked up at him, but her eyes felt heavy. She felt so tired all of a sudden.

"I can do that later, Kate. We have plenty of time." He kissed her cheek and she turned her head to touch his lips with hers in an innocent kiss.

"What was that for?" he asked when they broke apart.

"Just thank you. For being here. For being you." She told him, resting her head on his shoulder again.

"Thank you for letting me." He kissed the top of her head again. "Now go to sleep."

"Mhmm. You should get some sleep too." She mumbled and he smiled.

"I will." He reassured her and pressed his lips to her hair again.

"Okay. Night."

She closed her eyes and was asleep in a matter of seconds.

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><p><strong>Thoughts?<strong>


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